Insult, funny insults

You're so ugly, I took you to the zoo and the zookeeper said, - "thanks for bringing her back."

You're so fat, that when you go to the zoo, the elephants throw you peanuts

You are so fat, your mother has to iron your clothes on the driveway.

You're so stupid you saw a sign that said, "wet floor" so you did.

I would love to beat you up, but i have a problem with cruelty to animals.

I guess you prove that even God makes mistakes sometimes

When god was handing out brains, you must have been holding the door.

You say you can't climb walls, then how did you get out of the abortion bucket?.

If my dog had a face like your's I'd shave his ass and teach him to walk backwards.

Nice face, want a gun?.

When you were born the doctor slapped your mother.

When I want your opinion , I'll rattle your cage.

If I'm an arsehole, then where'd I drop you???

A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory

He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others

Calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.

Careful now, don't let your brains go to your head!

Did the mental hospital test too many drugs on you today?

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Did your parents have any children that lived?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea.

Do you want me to accept you as you are or do you want me to like you?

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent!

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Don't let your mind wander -- it's too little to be let out alone.

Don't mind him. He has a soft heart and a head to match.

Don't thank me for insulting you. It was my pleasure.

Don't think, it may sprain your brain!

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling ---- in your skull?

Don't you love nature, despite what it did to you?

Don't you need a license to be that ugly?

Don't you realize that there are enough people to hate in the world already without your working so hard to give us another?

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.

Every girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege.

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

Excellent time to become a missing person.

Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... fat.

For two cents I'd give you a piece of my mind - and all of yours.

Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.

Has reached rock bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.

I know you're a self-made man. It's nice of you to take the blame!

I know you're not as stupid as you look. Nobody could be!

I like you. People say I've no taste, but I like you.

I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

I reprimanded my son for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.

I thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.

I understand you, but thousands wouldn't!

I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. Now I have a much lower opinion of you.

I want nothing out of you but breathing, and very little of that!

I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.

I wonder how many angels could dance on his head?

I worship the ground that awaits you.

I would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.

I would have liked to insult you, but with your intelligence you wouldn't get offended.

I would like the pleasure of your company but it only gives me displeasure.

I'd hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave!

I'd like to give you a going-away present...but you have to do your part.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I'd like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have a place to put it!

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.

I'd love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.

I'd rather pass a kidney stone than another night with you.

I'd slap you senseless...but I can't spare three seconds!

If brains were rain, you`d be a desert.

If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.

If I had a face like yours, I'd sue my parents!

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, I'm glad.

If I were as ugly as you are, I wouldn't say hello, I'd say boo!

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

If manure were music, you'd be a brass band.

If sex were fast food, you'd have an arch over your head.

If truth is stranger than fiction, you must be truth!

If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!

If what you don't know can't hurt you, she's practically invulnerable.

If you act like an ass, don't get insulted if people ride you.

If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself!

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.

If you had another brain like the one you've got, you'd still be a half-wit.

If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

If you were a body of water, you'd be a kiddie pool.

If you were twice as smart, you'd still be stupid.

Ignorance can be cured. Stupid is forever.

I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.

I'm blonde, what's your excuse?

I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?

I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.

I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.

I'm not as dumb as you look.

In the land of the witless, the half-wit is king.

Instead of being born again, why don't you just grow up?

Is that your nose or are you eating a banana?

It's hard to get the big picture when you have such a small screen.

I've come across decomposed bodies that are less offensive than you are.

I've hated your looks from the start they gave me.

I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on it.

I've seen people like you, but I had to pay admission!

Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!

Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Let's play horse. I'll be the front end and you be yourself.

Let's play house. You be the door and I'll slam you.

Look, don't go to a mind reader; go to a palmist; I know you've got a palm.

Make a mental note . . . oh, I see you're out of paper!

Make somebody happy. Mind your own business.

Man alive! But I wish you weren't.

Moonlight becomes you - total darkness even more!

Never enter a battle of wits unarmed.

Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave good-bye.

Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.

Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them.

Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.

Pardon me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.

People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!

People clap when they see you - their hands over their eyes or ears.

People say that you are outspoken but not by anyone that I know of.

People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect but you are doing all right.

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation, but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.